It’s hard to say who’s truly at fault for these confectionary disasters. The person who baked and decorated them, or the person who ordered them and thought it’d be a good idea at the time. Needless to say, it was not a good idea. And we’re forever traumatized. Here are some of the worst:
- WHAT IS THIS CAKE EVEN CELEBRATING?!
It’s pretty obvious what the uhh… lower half of the cake is supposed to be. But what is that stuff on top of the cheeks?! What’s happening here, and why did anyone feel the need to celebrate this… event. Possibly the most unappetizing cake in existence. Well done.
- Another Inside Joke That Didn’t Need to Be Immortalized on a Cake
For the love of all that is good in this world: keep your inside jokes confined to dumb conversations with your friends, and keep them off of our cakes. It’s a brave person that would request and ingest a slice of this cake.
- Not Quite the ‘Frozen’ Cake Your Child Requested
The cute little snowman character from the Disney movie, ‘Frozen,’ is one of the most frequently-requested cake designs. This is much less cute, and a lot more nightmare-inducing. This snowman doesn’t want to hug you. He wants to eat your soul and take your eyes for his own.
- M-I-C! K-E-Y! Holy F-*-*-*!
Those lips. Those eyes. Those ears. Oh, god… those ears. It’s a Mouseketeer monster from hell. Order from this bakery if you prefer your small children scarred for life. One thing’s for sure… they’ll stop begging to go to Disneyland after they receive this cake for their birthday.
- There’s Not a Single Thing Ok About This Cake
From the horrifyingly misplaced sentiment, to the too-festive age-declaring candles; the truly upsetting FETUS DECORATION, to the vaguely vagina-esque flowers that border the whole travesty… this cake should be burned. Burn it now.
- Happy Stillbirth!
This is clearly supposed to be celebrating the birth of a baby. Besides the obvious, there are two questions that we just can’t shake:
- THIS is a celebratory cake?!
- WHY IS THE BABY BLUE?! It absolutely looks dead.
- What’s it going to look like when you CUT INTO THE CAKE?! Please let it not be red velvet or strawberry filled.
No. No no no. This cake was not a good idea.
- Too Many Birth Cakes
The world may never understand why so many people feel the need to request (and make) cakes depicting birth. They think it’s hilarious. How wrong they are. Out of all the horrific and graphic birth cakes, this one may take the cake; pun absolutely intended. Where to start…
Those stretch marks look like geological fissures, and make us feel a bit faint. The vagina (which genitalia really never be made out of frosting) looks pasted on, and you know someone was paid to paint on those pubes. Also, that baby is coming out breech, and we can’t be the only one who’s freaked out by that. PUT AWAY THAT THUMBS UP, YOU DEVIL BABY.