She was so cool. She had been to Europe. Both of her parents were dead so she had some tragic maturity about her. She didn't care so much for me. She was always polite but kept her distance.
In my dream she had put on a lot (ALOT) of weight. Thinking we recognized something in the other, yet unsure in our instincts, we eyed each other from across the office lobby that occupied my dream. She was working for my client in Switzerland. As soon as we placed each other, talked, and had our curiosity sated, Sarah lost interest in further conversation. It was just like university.
Because it was a dream, I know I fell back asleep at some point; but It wasn't any kind of sleep that counts.
I groped for my phone every fifteen minutes to check the time.
A good night's sleep would have been very convenient. A full day of meetings and a late evening flight awaited me: in other words I was going to be full-on with no chance of a small respite until the flight 17 hours later.
Fuck. Why can't I sleep?
That's what I thought from 2 til 6 this morning. That's what I'm thinking right now on the delayed flight home.
I know that "having to think ahead to plan the next time for a proper sleep" feeling.
ReplyDeleteMostly my revised working arrangement means I can sidestep it now.
I'm not going to tell you to drink warm milk. I used to tell that to sleepless peeps. Nobody listened to me. You're carrying under eye cream though, yes? And foundation? Dab dab? Oh, but what're you doing about the yawns? I hate that most about not sleeping. The inconvenience of stifling yawns, contagious as they are.
ReplyDeleteSarah Dougall, for all her tragic maturity, don't sound v nice. Be friends instead with me who believes in the lulling power of warm milk. But WILL NOT advocate it straight out.
Strange (bloody annoying!) how often insomnia and memories of moments of low self esteem go hand in hand.
ReplyDeleteI love the poem 'Things' by Fleur Adcock:
There are worse things than having behaved foolishly in public,
There are worse things than these miniature betrayals,
Committed or endured or suspected; there are worse things
Than not being able to sleep for thinking about them.
It is 5 am. All the worse things come stalking in
And stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse and worse.
Rashbre ~ planning ahead for sleep ... it's just not right!
ReplyDeleteNimpipi ~ Oh, I love hot milk ... You can proselytize that! A bit difficult to get on the road though! Your an adventurous friend! x
PG ~ Great poem! x
I'm always afraid to look at the clock when I can't sleep. I try to pretend like it's much earlier than it really is and that there's still the possiblity of a solid 5 or six hours.
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ReplyDeleteFranklin ~ I wish I had that discipline, but I find my mind just keeps going to "what time is it?" and I will definitely not fall back asleep until I have some idea.
thanks
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