A group of girls meet at a typical cool, Madrid café/bar. One of the women is urged to recount her latest escapades with her shrink. She begins with an extravagant swinging of her legs wide open and explains that in their last session, her shrink (also a woman) instructed her (the patient) to approach for a full body, maternal embrace. The shrink had opened her legs (as the patient reenacted for us) and arms to make space for the patient to snuggle up and receive good, maternal vibes.
The group of girls, including the patient and including me, laughed at the awkward discomfort the patient must have felt at that moment of forced consolation.
My shrink has been trying to get me to make some kind of primal noises. There is a padded room next to her office. The floor is wall to wall mattresses and is littered with throw pillows and children's dolls. It is a colourful place full of blues and reds and yellows and greens. There is a sliding metal door on the other side of the main door. It seems a tarted-up loony bin.
This is the room where the shrinks in the centre bring their subjects to make disturbing noises. My shrink tried to get me into this room two weeks ago. "No, no. I'm not really ready for that." I stammered. I have tried to give the impression of being a cerebral client; that I don't go in for the primal screaming type of thing. She accepted my rejection with grace. This week, after I had said something about something, she fixed me with a compassionate stare and asked, "how did that make you feel? ... why? ... maybe you need to give that feeling a place of its own. Are you ready to go next door?"
I wonder how many patients go into that room (go into this type of 'treatment') purely out of shrink-pressure.
I am happing talking until I am blue in the face, but please don't try to make me grunt or moan or quiver; I'm just fine with my own language (or Spanish). I say in my head, whilst I'm lead next door.
After I huff and puff for a couple of minutes and bang my fists half-heartedly against the mattresses (again at the shrink's request), I stop the banging to cry.
"I don't wwww www wannntt to do this."
The shrink opens her legs and arms and beckons me into a maternal hug.
As I sit there with my mascara running onto my shrink's pretty autumnally-orange coloured sweater, I think, "What kind of person wants to do this job? Maybe a lesbian, but she's no lesbian. What of the patients whom she doesn't like? Can you give this kind of hug to someone you don't like? You can't like everyone .. surely you will have a patient you think is a twat .. are you going to invite them to whimper all over your nice blouse?"
The mental image I have (legs and arms opened wide) is that you have to be on your knees to receive that hug.
ReplyDeleteOh, please. I would never be ready for that. I should have tried the therapeutical hug-thing when I was single. Nothing else was working. Pretty clever of them.
ReplyDeleteThat's plain odd. With my analyst I sit on a chair and she sits on a chair. Very occasionally I crack a joke or get animated, and about once a month she smiles. (This reminds me of Annie Hall where Alvy and Annie talk about their respective analysts - I seem to recall his is called "Doctor Chomsky".) Is a psychologist different from a psychiatrist is different from a therapist is different from a counsellor? I have no idea. Your situation sounds a bit heavy duty.
ReplyDeleteI suppose if your advisor has a room kitted out with all the padding then she'll probably want to make sure it gets used.
ReplyDeleteYour process reminds me of Janov revert to childhood/find the bogey/let it out?
I've only done the 'scream in fields, tree hugging and deconstruct self' stuff, but that was all a bit corporate and a few years ago. Still quite memorable though.
Subversively, I'm wondering if there is a wardrobe full of fresh blouses somewhere.
I hesitate to say it but... {hugs}
ReplyDeletePG ~ We were both on the mattress-covered floor. She had me approach crawling then turning in her lap so I was almost an infant or Christ in a Pietá scene.
UB ~ I know! Whilst you are going thru it, half your mind is judging and wondering how to extricate yourself from the circumstance.
Mr. LS ~ I wouldn't have thought of you as seeing someone :). I believe psychiatrists are MDs and can prescribe medication. Psychologists are lower on the totem pole, but tend to be good for specific life issues whereas psychiatrists will want you for years on their sofa. Good job on the reference to Annie Hall's shrink! I think you are right and I think pretending I am in a Annie Hall like movie will make it not just bearable - but funny too!
Rashbre ~ she shares the room with others in the centre so my eschewing of it shouldn't be too painful. I absolutely relished your circumspect hug! X
Those people want to do that job because they are just as lost as everyone else. They think doing that job is perhaps the panacea and a step above just being a patient... a step closer to enlightenment. They think doing that job will give them some special insight, but it does not. You can read a text book about anything. You can learn the basics of any profession. These things may give you the tools to speak the language, but only a sensitive ear and the ability to murder the ego will give you the power necessary to unlock in someone that which is so tightly concealed.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there would be any clients who she doesn't like, because it's a different sort of relationship. Yu only dislike people you know as friends, family, colleagues......... am I waffling, does this make sense? (p.s. can't comment using my new Wordpress ID, have tried and tried and am giving up now - I think Blogger just won't allow it!)
ReplyDeleteGoodness. I've never been in therapy, but I think if I were ever in the office of a professional with a mattress-covered floor, I would run as fast as I could in the other direction.
ReplyDeleteGood on you for going on with it. I hope you're feeling better. Will be in Paris next week--I'll buy you dinner.
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ReplyDeleteBoulette - I'm not sure ... seems there are as if different people will have different motivations. Enjoy viande!
ReplyDeleteJan ~ I know what you mean. It is, afterall, a professional relationship.
Franklin ~ I am looking into travel plans NOW! xx